Speaking in Joni
There's comfort in melancholy, when there's no need to explain
It's just as natural as the weather in this moody sky today.
- Joni Mitchell, Hejira
It's bad: I've started speaking in Joni lyrics again.
Years ago, when I was in the pits of desolation, couldn't handle people, stayed cooped up in my flat most of the time trying to figure out what was wrong with me, Joni Mitchell used to sometimes get me through the day. Yes, I know, it's completely banal. There was this whole generation that moped in their rooms in the throes of adolescent angst, listening to Joni and writing maudlin poetry, and while YT was not exactly of that generation, that's precisely what I did. Only instead of writing poetry I wrote in a journal, having always been shite at making things rhyme.
What initially hooked me on Joni was not her special guitar tunings [supposedly very unique or something], nor her voice [in fact it always used to bug me - Free Man in Paris gave me the heebies] but rather her songwriting skills. I'm a lyrics person. When I listen to music I listen to the lyrics first. In fact, to me the music is rather incidental, although I prefer it to be, you know, good. [My dear husband has opened up a new perspective for me as he is quite the opposite - being a jazzoholic he doesn't care whether there are lyrics included or not as long as the music is ace.] By the time I discovered Joni she was already middle-aged, and that was good because I needed to track her journey. She'd run the gamut of emotions: she'd been sweet, and vulnerable, and hurt, and scared, and in denial, and finally really really angry. And then - she'd found love. That gave me hope. Because I needed a model. Someone who described just what I was going through, who had walked that road before me. Joni provided that. Unwittingly she became a mentor for me - and probably a million other people.
When my life finally got back on track, I put Joni away and started listening to other things instead. Her music was still there and I'd put it on occasionally, but more with a nostalgic kind of affection than any sort of desperate need for it. And then, a few days ago, I was suddenly gripped with a need to listen to Hejira. I pulled it out of storage, and stuck it on the iPod. Since then, I've had it on almost continually and I am reminded of what a fantastic album it is. I've found a new kind of appreciation for it - the lyrics and the music - and even her voice, which is so absolutely artless and sincere. On Hejira she's in that white, dreamlike, hazy place that comes with denial - just as the hurt is beginning to sink in and the realization that, no matter how far you run, how far you travel, the truth will always find you, and the only way out, is through.
You know it never has been easy
Whether you do or you do not resign
Whether you travel the breadth of extremities
Or stick to some straighter line.
Oh, and I went to a funeral today. Maybe that has something to do with it.
THE WEATHER WAS MOODY, AS WAS THE SKY
It couldn't make up its mind as to whether to rain or shine today. In the end it did both, back and forth, alternately. Unbelievably poignant. Right now temps are 5°C [41F] and sunrise was at 6:08 am, sunset at 8:51 pm.
It's just as natural as the weather in this moody sky today.
- Joni Mitchell, Hejira
It's bad: I've started speaking in Joni lyrics again.
Years ago, when I was in the pits of desolation, couldn't handle people, stayed cooped up in my flat most of the time trying to figure out what was wrong with me, Joni Mitchell used to sometimes get me through the day. Yes, I know, it's completely banal. There was this whole generation that moped in their rooms in the throes of adolescent angst, listening to Joni and writing maudlin poetry, and while YT was not exactly of that generation, that's precisely what I did. Only instead of writing poetry I wrote in a journal, having always been shite at making things rhyme.
What initially hooked me on Joni was not her special guitar tunings [supposedly very unique or something], nor her voice [in fact it always used to bug me - Free Man in Paris gave me the heebies] but rather her songwriting skills. I'm a lyrics person. When I listen to music I listen to the lyrics first. In fact, to me the music is rather incidental, although I prefer it to be, you know, good. [My dear husband has opened up a new perspective for me as he is quite the opposite - being a jazzoholic he doesn't care whether there are lyrics included or not as long as the music is ace.] By the time I discovered Joni she was already middle-aged, and that was good because I needed to track her journey. She'd run the gamut of emotions: she'd been sweet, and vulnerable, and hurt, and scared, and in denial, and finally really really angry. And then - she'd found love. That gave me hope. Because I needed a model. Someone who described just what I was going through, who had walked that road before me. Joni provided that. Unwittingly she became a mentor for me - and probably a million other people.
When my life finally got back on track, I put Joni away and started listening to other things instead. Her music was still there and I'd put it on occasionally, but more with a nostalgic kind of affection than any sort of desperate need for it. And then, a few days ago, I was suddenly gripped with a need to listen to Hejira. I pulled it out of storage, and stuck it on the iPod. Since then, I've had it on almost continually and I am reminded of what a fantastic album it is. I've found a new kind of appreciation for it - the lyrics and the music - and even her voice, which is so absolutely artless and sincere. On Hejira she's in that white, dreamlike, hazy place that comes with denial - just as the hurt is beginning to sink in and the realization that, no matter how far you run, how far you travel, the truth will always find you, and the only way out, is through.
You know it never has been easy
Whether you do or you do not resign
Whether you travel the breadth of extremities
Or stick to some straighter line.
Oh, and I went to a funeral today. Maybe that has something to do with it.
THE WEATHER WAS MOODY, AS WAS THE SKY
It couldn't make up its mind as to whether to rain or shine today. In the end it did both, back and forth, alternately. Unbelievably poignant. Right now temps are 5°C [41F] and sunrise was at 6:08 am, sunset at 8:51 pm.
Labels: Reflections
posted by Alda at 9:37 PM
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