If you had a quarter to spend in a jukebox, what would you play?

Dear readers, I'm in the midst of a small conundrum and need your assistance.

It's like this: EPI belongs to a 'listening club' - i.e. a few times a year he and his pals get together for an evening, eat some good food and drink some beer [or whatever] and introduce each other to new and inspiring music they've found since the last time.

It's a pretty cool undertaking, but what's even more cool is that for the last three years or so they've added an annual event, in which they invite us, their wives/girlfriends, and cook up a spectacular gala dinner with all the trimmings. In preparation for this dinner, everyone must choose a song that they want to bring, and before the event all the songs are gathered together and burned on a disk.

This is now happening on Saturday, and EPI just reminded me this evening that I have to pick my song. This year's assignment is to bring 'a song that you have a physical response to', i.e. that makes you want to get up and dance, or at the very least tap your foot.

I've just had a quick peruse through my iPod and every time I think I've found my song, I go a little bit further and think NO! THIS IS IT! and so on, all the way down. Anyway, I've narrowed it down to just a few, and I'd really REALLY appreciate you leaving me a comment and telling me which song YOU would pick [hoping you know at least some of them]. And soon please, because I have to pick one tomorrow.* Here goes:

1. Acrobat - U2
   
2. Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
3. Call the Law - Outkast
   
4. Crazy in Love - Beyonce
5. Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt
6. Hey Ya! - Outkast
7. Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
8. Hounds of Love - Kate Bush
9. I Hate You So Much Right now - Kelis
10. Jigsaw Falling Into Place - Radiohead
11. Let's Go Crazy - Prince
12. Misty Mountain Hop - Led Zeppelin
13. Mysterious Ways - U2
    
14. Objection (Tango) - Shakira
15. She Moves On - Paul Simon
    
16. Suffragette City - David Bowie
    
17. Thriller - Michael Jackson
18. Umbrella - Rihanna
19. When Doves Cry - Prince
20. When Doves Cry - Quindon Tarver

Remember, it has to make you want to cut a rug! or tap a foot.

WE WERE ALL WAITING FOR SPRING TO ARRIVE TODAY
The weatherman told us well in advance to prepare ourselves: today would be the day that spring arrived. YT eagerly opened the blinds this morning, expecting to see it sitting out in the backyard, but found just the same old cold sun grinning back. Around noon it started to cloud over and I thought that surely spring would sail in on a cloud bank, but bizarrely it didn't. Still, perhaps it will creep in tonight, since we have 6°C [43F] now at 11 pm, which is rather unusual to say the least, considering how things have been for the past few weeks. Sunrise was at 5.55 this morning, sunset at 9.02 pm.

* Even if you don't make it by tomorrow, I'd still like to hear your picks.

Chez YT: the excitement never stops

So I came back from an errand early this evening and found three of my neighbours all standing around in a tizzy by the front door. Seems the girl upstairs encountered a flasher this afternoon.

GIRL UPSTAIRS WHO GOT FLASHED AT: ... so he threw her down the stairs and he was in his underwear and was, like, pulling her out into the street and she was hanging on to a tree and screaming ....
NEIGHBOUR 1: No way!
YT: What? Domestic violence? Where?
MOTHER OF GIRL UPSTAIRS WHO GOT FLASHED AT: No, no, a flasher
YT: You got flashed at?
N1: Did you call the police?
MoGUWGFA: Yes, and they didn't answer
N1: What??
GUWGFA: I know! I called 112* and they didn't answer. They didn't even call back.
YT: That's weird. I thought they always answered.
MoGUWGFA: Apparently not.
YT: And who got thrown down the stairs?
MoGUWGFA: The superintendent in the building where the flasher lives.
YT: What flasher?
GUWGFA: I was driving with my friend over by Gerpla [a kiosk] and this guy comes out and he was all bleh bleh and he comes over to the car and was going to touch my friend, so she put her window up and then he pulled his pants down ...
MoGUWGFA: ... and he had a big erection.
YT: Ew!
GUWGFA: He's really weird. I see him around here all the time. You've probably seen him too. He's mental.
N1: You see him around here all the time? Lovely.
YT: But who got thrown down the stairs?
GWGFA: The superintendent in the building where he lives. She's this lady and she had to go talk to him about something and her friend asked if she should go with her, and she was like, "No, just phone me in ten minutes." And so the friend phones and the woman didn't answer so she went up to look for her and she sees the guy in his underwear, he'd thrown her down the stairs and she was hanging on to this tree so he wouldn't throw her out into the street.
YT: Oh. Whew. I thought you were talking about someone beating up his wife.

MEANWHILE IT WAS A GORGEOUS DAY TODAY
Exquisite, truly. A perfect day for flashers. The sun was out all day long and it was just so gentle and caring, not for a moment was it aggressive in all its shining glory. It was reasonably warm, too, above freezing at least ... I think we had highs of about 2 or something, which is pretty good, considering. Right now it's 4°C [oh] which means 39F, and the sun came up at 6.12 this morning, went down at 8.47 pm.

* 911 if you speak American.

Hi my name is Alda and I'm sad and I spend my nights surfing the Internet

So, I was just up at the Iceland Review offices having coffee with my friend Jonas when an unnamed someone who works there came up and joined in the conversation. And we started talking about t'Internet and blogs and pedantic readers and such, and in the heat of the conversation the unnamed person said something like, "You know, there are so many sad people out there who spend their evenings just surfing the Internet" and all of a sudden everything went QUIET and Jonas and I just sort of looked at each other and then there was a pause and TUP's face went the same crimson colour as her sweater and when I finally caught my breath I said, "I am so going home and making that into the title of my next blog post."

And as you can see, I did not stand with the empty words*.

Anyway, we were all feeling slightly subdued today because our friend Sara, who has been a staff writer for Iceland Review for the last couple of years, got on a plane this afternoon and soared on out of here, leaving Niceland with one less supertalented writer. She left us with this poignant Daily Life post [the Daily Life column grew out of the original Iceland Weather Report, betcha did not know that] and undoubtedly has some fantabulous adventure waiting just around the corner.We'll miss her!

I've been pretty busy these past few days so haven't had much of a chance to post or answer your questions, but I promise I'll get to them tomorrow [barring a major catastrophe, like a wayward teenager not coming home for an entire night *cough* again *cough*]. Till then!

BUT BEFORE I GO, THE REQUISITE WEATHER REPORT
Overcast and fairly gloomy day, but mild, so that makes the cloud cover more than bearable. There are already crocuses [croci?] blooming in people's gardens and that makes me very happy. Currently 5°C [41F] but was a balmy 8°C earlier [at least that's what the thermometer on the N1 gas station said and who am I to contest that?]. Sunrise this morning was at 6.23 am and sunset scheduled for 8.38 pm.

* Nicelandic idiom.

In which the YT cranium ejects random incoherent thoughts commonly associated with newspaper horoscopes

1. I have a new obsession: the saltwater hot pot at the Laugardalslaug swimming pool. It's the poor man's Blue Lagoon - cures what ails ya without the resultant bankruptcy. Seriously, there's just something about that water and salt combo that MELTS away tension and anxiety and leaves your skin feeling silky smooth ALL OVER. [Say, why did I never get into doing voice overs for North American televison commercials??] It smells kinda funky, though, sort of like the person next to you has been drinking double scotches since breakfast, double scotches mixed with chlorine, in fact, and the first time I was in there had me eyeing an old guy with intense suspicion and considerable derision for the duration of my soak. Now other people eye me with derision, but nevermind. I forgive them for they know not what they do.

2. So there I was today, soaking in the Jacuzzi at the Laugardalslaug swimming pool [before I got to the saltypot], and these four Americans get in and I'm all like, I bet they didn't get naked in the shower. So later when I'm in the changerooms one of the American ladies comes in and she's in the shower and sort of glancing around and sees that everyone is naked but her, and I'm shampooing my hair and thinking to myself, I bet she won't do it, I bet she won't get naked. And then she turns around in the shower and ... she does it! She gets naked!! And I literally have to stop myself from going over there and tapping her on the shoulder and then giving her a big fat naked hug. You know? Because she's a trouper.

3. AAH has just got her learner's permit and I'm teaching her how to drive. And so we get back today from our drive and I look in the mirror and I see that, like, half of the hairs on my head have turned grey. And five of my fingernails are missing. Later I find them embedded in the dashboard of my car.

4. Yeah, so before I went out teaching AAH how to drive I was in the saltypot at the Laugardalslaug swimming pool. And before I was there, I was having a massage. And before I was there, I was at a funeral. It's been a bizarre day.

5. Iceland is not going bankrupt! Iceland is not a big toxic hedge fund! You're all just a bunch of bullies! Only Richard Portes is our friend.

I BET YOU HADN'T NOTICED THAT MY BRAIN'S ALL FRIED
Like it always is when I've been to a funeral then had a massage and then a long soak in a hot pot, particularly one with salt in it, and when the Icelandic economy is crashing down all around me and AAH is driving through the rubble. At this moment my bed wafts in my mind's eye like an oasis in the desert. It's still cold here, today there was wind, and later on when I was out having my hair turned grey I saw a snowstorm hovering over Mt. Esja, very dramatic looking, and apparently it's due to pass over our fair city tonight. Right now it's 2°C [36F], and the day is getting longer and longer all the time. It's light way before 7 am these days, with sunrise proper at precisely 7.02 this morning, sunset at 8.05.

Completely overlooking the inherent opportunity

YT: Remember that blogger in Paris, the one who got fired?
EPI: ... Yeah
YT: She got paid 62 million krónur to write two books.
EPI: [...!]
YT: The first one just came out
EPI: What's it about?
YT: I dunno. Her life in Paris, probably
EPI: Ah
YT: She was living with this guy who was always working and they had this baby, then she met some other guy on her blog and had an affair and then she split up with the first guy
EPI: I knew it! This blogging thing is no good
YT: It's not the blogging thing - the guy was never home
EPI: OK, that's it, I'm quitting my job
YT: NO, I'm getting a job. So I can get fired.

IT'S OVERCAST AND GREY, BUT MERCIFULLY MILD
And from where I'm sitting it looks perfectly calm, also, although appearances can be deceptive, particularly when you live in the west end of Reykjavík, near the sea, and the subject is 'wind'. It can look perfectly calm from the window [funny word, that, wind-oh, hm] but BAM! as soon as you're down at the shore you're suddenly contending with something else entirely. Temps a perfectly acceptable 1°C [34F] and the sun came up at 7.55, goes down at 7.20.

Taking intimacy to a new level

EPI and I are gearing up for a trip to Berlin next week [w00t!] and have just discovered that the hotel we're staying at has rather, um, unorthodox arrangements concerning their en-suite bathrooms. Apparently they're sort of right inside the room, separated only by a glass partition.*

I'm thinking they hired the same architects as the Smáralind people. You?

WEATHER: CRISP AND CLEAR AS A BATHROOM PARTITION
It rained yesterday so virtually all the snow melted in one go, which is excellent as it means we don't have to contend with the Iceland-sized skating rink that normally develops when we have melting and then freezing. Today was lovely, started out sunny and bright but clouded over somewhat in the afternoon, although there was still minimal wind activity, so that was okay. Plus temps hovered above the freezing mark, which is a welcome departure from the 'cold puddle' that has been hanging over our heads for weeks on end. I'm starting to think spring may arrive after all. Temps right now are 3°C [37F], sunrise was at 8.20 and sunset due for 6.59 pm.

PS - has anyone ever heard of Schmap Guides? Apparently they may want to use one of my Flickr photos in their Canada guide, although why they would choose this one is beyond me.

* Strangely enough [or not], their main website does not show any photos of their rooms. However, if you click on this link and then the first photo, you'll see what I mean.

The Iceland Weather Repoty

Welcome to the Iceland Weather Repoty. Yes, dear readers, someone actually searched for this last night and found this website, after which they splashed around in these murky waters for a total of 7 minutes and 52 seconds, and viewed 6 pages. Which I suppose is all a testimony to the fact that Google is invincible and is not above washing the feet of the linguistically feeble [witness all those porno doogs], and moreover guides them gently and lovingly to green pastures where they may while away their 7 minutes and 52 seconds in carefree repose, amen.

OR, it just means YT has too much time on her hands, sifting through google searches and checking stats.

Which incidentally I do not, in fact I am flailing around in turbulent waters these days, having a workload that would easily sink the Titanic three times over, which is why I can only spout inane drivel and why you, dear readers, are not receiving well-crafted, insightful exposés on, say, the heated, ongoing debate about whether or not Niceland should adopt the euro and, by extension, whether we should finally, once and for all, definitively, no more sitting on the fence, join the freaking European Union. And why I can only write sentences that are barely coherent and go on and on, like the one above.

I guess maybe I should make myself a cup of strong coffee. Because, like, it's only 10 o'clock in the morning and I have a full day of mental exertion ahead. Wish me luck.

SERIOUSLY, IT JUST WILL NOT STOP SNOWING
A moment ago I looked out my window and it was like looking at a wall of white. We're back down to flurries now, lots of them drifting around lazily like they're not in a hurry to go anywhere, like they're planning to stick around until, oh, the beginning of July. Which is what it feels like around here - that this winter will last forever. Temps -3°C [27F] and sunrise was at 8.41 and sunset due for 6.41.

The little bitch goes home

We bid a tearful farewell to the little bitch* today [aka the Yaris] after I'd managed to squeeze out an extra few days with her thanks to the extreme tardiness of the auto shop that was fixing my car. They never call to let you know when they've finished the repairs [annoying], and in this case, seeing as how I had a rental car in lieu, I didn't bother to chase after them [annoying for them no doubt, seeing as how they had to call eventually to get the Yaris back, nyah].

Anyway, I'm pining for a new car, even though I absolutely cannot justify buying one because, well, I hardly ever use a car. I work from home and I walk almost everywhere I need to go because I relish the fresh air and exercise. I've had mine for eight years now, it's ten years old and has only 64,000 km on it [around 30,000 miles]. Plus it's paid in full, and it seems very silly to take out a loan on a new car when it would just sit in front of the house looking pretty all the time. And my old one works perfectly well, gives me minimal grief, and is perfectly functional for trips to Bónus and suchlike. So even though I'm the last person in Iceland who does NOT own a SUV** I'm not going to be tempted. To buy one of those, or a Yaris. It's just too extravagant a luxury. Right?

Right?

OKAY, SO I OCCASIONALLY TAKE THE CAR WHEN THE WEATHER IS CRAP
Because that's one of the main reasons for owning a car in this country - so you can get in the car when those mean winds come whipping down from the Arctic. Not that it worked out so well for me last time, but that's another story. Today was a pretty good day - temps just below freezing and minimal wind, which is good. We even had the sun shine upon us for brief periods this afternoon. Temps now -3°C [27F], sunrise was at 8.48 am and sunset at 6.35 pm.

* As she's affectionately known chez YT
** Take my dear father in law, who at the ripe young age of 82 has just gone out and bought himself a Nissan X-Trail.

The last time this happened, I bought a new car

My car's in the shop, so I've been zipping around on a rented Toyota Yaris since yesterday. I'm completely smitten. It's so nimble. So quick. So easy to maneuver out in traffic.

I don't want my old car back. I want the Yaris.

SNOWING AGAIN
But not too much, so that's OK. And there's no wind, so that's doubly OK. And I have a Yaris to drive around, so I don't care anyway. Temps currently -1°C [30F] and the sun came up at 9.05 am and set at 6.19. And now if you'll excuse me, I must go watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Reykjavík - home of the laid-back slacker

So, dreamy Gael Garcia Bernal is in town to do a play that opens at the Reykjavík City Theatre on the 21st of this month. Tilsammans.

YT: [to EPI over dinner] I read this interview with Gael Garcia Bernal in the paper yesterday
EPI: who?
YT: you know, that Spanish actor ... no, Mexican ... you know, who's here to do that play with Vesturport about the commune thing
EPI: [blanco] no
YT: you know ... that guy who played in Babel ... who lost the kids
EPI: [blanco]
YT: ... Che Guevera in the Motorcycle Diaries
EPI: oh him! Yeah
YT: I read an interview with him in the paper yesterday
EPI: yeah
YT: he says he loves Reykjavík...
EPI: yeah
YT: ... wait for it ...
EPI: yeah
YT: ... because everyone has so much time and nobody is ever in a hurry.

[YT and EPI burst out laughing simultaneously. They laugh and laugh.]

EPI: that's probably because everyone just wants to hang out with him
YT: probably!
EPI: everyone's like, 'Oh no, I'm not in a hurry'
YT: ... I'll just hang out for a while
EPI: I've got nothing to do
YT: nothing but time on my hands. Twiddle

[and laugh, and laugh]

APPARENTLY WE'VE GOT SOMETHING CALLED A COLD PUDDLE
And it's stuck somewhere right near Niceland. Seriously! That's what it's called - a cold puddle. And we got saddled with it this year - normally it gets stuck somewhere near Canada, but this year, we are the lucky recipients. This means it's supposed to stay cold and miserable until the end of March. Isn't that great? [NO!] Anyway, for the past couple of days temps have been just above freezing, but today they started to drop again, meaning that all the half-melted snow turned to ice. You should have seen me out for my run today, you would have laughed. There was this mega-strong wind coming at me and I was running on ice, virtually, so I never got anywhere. My major success today was making it out to Seltjarnarnes and back without falling on my face and breaking my head. That, and also making it through a grueling four-hour translation exam: English into Icelandic, NOT my strong suit. Never mind when it's a court ruling about EU Directives concerning broadcast networks in the member states and written in such heavy jargon that three sentences fried about 90 percent of all available brain cells. Due for another round tomorrow, but Icelandic to English this time, which I'm hoping will be slightly easier, less brain cell damage, at any rate. Perhaps enough left to pop a cork of champagne when it's all done. Temps 0°C [32F], sunrise was at 9:38 am, sunset at 5.47 pm.

PS - to those of you who may be unfamiliar with Reykjavík ... the joke of course is that nobody ever has any time in Reykjavík. People run around like lab rats constantly.

And visitor number 200,000...

... is from Sherbrooke, Quebec, and came through on the oh-so mundane search 'iceland weather'.

Congratulations you lucky people!!!

Thing is, I'm guessing they've already moved on and so won't be able to claim their prize: an Icelandic Þorrablót dinner for two, replete with pickled ram's testicles and singed sheep's heads. Served in a trough. With a couple of shots of Brennivín [Black Death] thrown in. Paaaarty on!!!

Anyone have a spare indictment lying around?

I’m taking my translator’s certification exam next week and have been doing a bit of studying. Have discovered that I’m feeling pretty confident when it comes to the specialized employment contracts, the various nuances of the EFTA agreement, various bilateral treaties, the diverse aspects of the banking industry, the global warming reports, the Competition Authority appeals, etcetera etcetera.

I’ve also discovered that my legalese sucks.

Hence I’ve been trying to track down an example of an indictment in English. One that goes something like this: INDICTMENT. THE NATIONAL COMMISSIONER OF POLICE makes known: that public proceedings shall be initiated at the XXX District Court against …………………….. and so on. I’m not sure of the exact wording [that’s the problem] but it would be something of that nature.

Anyone? It would really help me out.

WEATHER: MORE OF THE SAME
A little less frost, mind. It hovered around the freezing mark today [more sub than super, though] but it was still pretty windy. My enthusiasm for ‘a proper winter’ is waning fast, I tell you. Read in the paper today that trips to southern climes are selling like hotcakes these days [silly expression – whoever heard of selling hotcakes?] as Nicelanders are increasingly exasperated with the cold. I’d hop on a flight in a minute if I could spare the time – and the dosh. Never mind: we’re going to Berlin next month, where it is ALWAYS super warm and sunny in the middle of March. Right now we have exactly 0°C [32F], the sun came up at 9.57 am and set at 5.27 pm. And now if you’ll excuse me I must drink about ten litres of water, then go vegetate in front of the television because: it’s Eat Salted Lamb and Split Pea Soup Until You Burst day!

Would you download free software from this man?

Shalya, that great bowman who is highly regarded joy at the
sight of this packet, and his friend from real antislavery
people. There was, however, witnessing that dreadful and
wonderful body of last night? You did, you know, philidor,
or you told his charioteer, 'that large division which attains
to brahma. As the track of birds along with it. How lightly
hermia's name had dropped without my jonathan meant to be
obedient, but towards prahlada the conduct which a disciple.

... Yeah. Me neither.

I WONDER IF HE CAN GIVE US THE WEATHER, THOUGH
The cold, vastly underrated proximity, restless wind, why go then? Whitecaps, faceburn vacuous smedgeling, hopeless substance, traditional generalizations from whence. Antecedent. Uniform flurries, undiluted chaste corners striving for angelica supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Folorn molecular -1°C [30F]. Analemma 10.22 prognosis 5 pm.

Someone you definitely wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

Until now I've not had a propensity for posting YouTube videos on my blog, but this one is just too precious. If there was a prize awarded for Extreme Cuteness this kid would win hands down.

Update: When I went back to close the YouTube page, I noticed off to the side another video, this one of the same little girl on the Ellen show. The little girl is still supercute, but I have to say that this really puts me off. Trotting the kid out on American television like that just smacks of exploitation. Ugh.

MEANWHILE, THERE WAS AN ITTY-BITTY BIT OF SNOW ON THE GROUND THIS MORNING
Which seemed to put all those coloured lights out there in context and made them look all the more beautiful. Weatherman sez we're in for moderate winds from the north today, with temps around freezing, which is just what they are at this very moment. Sunrise was at 10.58 and sunset is due for 3.39 pm.

When political correctness goes horribly wrong

Over in Australia, Santa Claus is being discouraged from saying "Ho ho ho!" because it may be offensive to women.*

Instead they're recommending "Ha ha ha!", but won't that be offensive to paranoid schizophrenics who think everyone's laughing at them?

Maybe he could say, "Hey hey hey!" but won't that be offensive to women who think he's hustling them?

Or he could say, um, "La la la!" but then won't that be offensive to crazy people?

And if he says, "Heh heh heh!" everyone will be offended because they'll think he's being smug.

Meanwhile, if he uses sign language, it may be offensive to deaf-dumb people.

Sigh. It's a hopeless situation. Clearly it's just a matter of time before he's done away with altogether.

WE HAVE SUNSHINE!
It's been a clear day today, with lots of sunlight. Went out for a run, and was in shade for most of the way because the sun rises so low in the sky now that it doesn't even get up above the condominiums that line the seashore. But no matter - this sort of day really boosts the old morale. It's been a bit windy though, which brings our current temps of 2°C [36F] down to what feels like -2°C [28F]. Sunrise was at 10.14 am and sunset due for 4.12 pm.

* I wonder if it's still offensive if he goes to a brothel.

Something to aspire to?

Here in Niceland, when someone's making money, we have an idiom: "They're getting hairy palms".

Meanwhile, Fréttablaðið has a daily feature called "Question of the Day" in which they ask someone - often someone who has been in the news - a question.

No prizes, then, for guessing what they asked the beautician from yesterday's post.

Heheh.

MEANWHILE, MEC HAS BEEN VINDICATED
Very logically they have come to believe that the mitts they sent me the other day were wrongly labelled. After all, the 'small' I received is a foot long - a full 12 inches - from top to bottom ... which just doesn't compute. So they've offered to reimburse me for the postage to send the mitts back to them, and to send me a new pair for free. Icelandic vendors: watch and learn.

AS FOR OUR DELIGHTFUL NOVEMBER WEATHER
Gloomy - overcast, wet, breezy [8-15 m/s]. But mild: 9°C [48F] here in the capital; the sun came up at 9.55 and will go down at 4.28 pm.

Another profound conversation in a Nicelandic hot pot

When I go for my massage, and afterwards when I go soak in the hot pot at the Laugardalslaug pool, I like to be quiet. I don’t like to talk. And normally I can get away with it, speaking just the bare minimum.

Not today. In fact it was kind of odd that, on both occasions, I encountered people who just would not stop talking. Odd in particular because Nicelanders tend to be fairly reticent people, not particularly keen on eliciting details about others’ private lives or volunteering details about their own, at least not on the first meeting.

So I’m lying on the massage table and the massage therapist comes in – a new massage therapist, one I’d never had before. She proceeds to ask me what she can do for me today. [Had I known I probably would have asked her to kindly be quiet but, hey, I didn’t know.] So I give a brief rundown of my main ailments, areas she could please focus on, etc. and was about to settle in for an hour of nonverbal bliss.

MASSAGE THERAPIST: So, you’ve been here before?
YT: Yes, I’ve been coming here for a few years.
MT: Ah. [pause.] Do you exercise?
YT: Yes. I run.
MT: Oh. Your calves are surprisingly soft for someone who runs. [pause.] Have any children?
YT: Yes, one daughter and three stepdaughters.
MT: Oh, a house full of girls, huh? Plan to have any more?
YT: [...]
MT: I just had to ask because you look like you’re pregnant.
YT: Not that I know of.
MT: You just have that glow.
YT: It’s not likely. I’m 44, so kind of past that age.
MT: Oh, I thought you were much younger.

[A bit later, YT asks her if she has any kids.]

MT: No, just a cat. [a lengthy story follows about a friend of hers who came to visit with a baby and the MT borrowed a travel bed and the cat slept in the travel bed with the baby the entire time.]

[pause]

MT: People underestimate the value of not having children.

---

As I've explained before, I like to soak in the hot pot at the Laugardalslaug pool after my massage. So I go to the pool and run out in my bikini through the stinging cold wind to the hot pot, only to find it full, except for one seat at the end of the bench, which has a pretty poor water jet. All the good ones are taken.

A few minutes later a lady gets up and leaves, and YT moves to take her spot. Next to it is a man lounging happily, probably in his early sixties. I’ve never seen him before.

LOUNGING MAN [to YT]: That’s right, come over here to where I am.
YT: [Gives brief noncommittal smile.]
LM: You Icelandic?
YT: [nods]
LM: For a minute there I thought you didn’t understand. I thought ... you look a little bit Swedish.
YT: Oh?
LM: Yeeess ... a little bit.
YT: Nope. Icelandic, through and through.
LM: Oh. Come here often?
YT: No. Not very often.
LM: Swim a lot?
YT: No. [pause. LM waits for more.] I’m a runner.
LM: Oh! A runner! That’s where I know you from! Didn’t you take part in [some marathon]?
YT: No. No, that must have been someone else.

[LM launches into a story of how he ran a marathon but arrived 15 minutes late and everyone had already left so he got lost on the way, turned a corner, and was already at the finish line and everyone applauded.]

YT: Sort of like the hare and the tortoise.

[LM roars with laughter. pause. YT closes eyes.]

LM: So what do you do for a living?
YT: [Opens eyes. Looks for easy escape route. Decides there isn’t one, unless willing to forfeit delicious water spout. Isn’t. Contemplates saying she’s social anthropologist sent to study lounging men in Icelandic hot pots. Decides this is not a good idea. Tells the briefest possible version of the truth.]
LM: Oh! What language do you work in?
YT: English.
LM: [Launches into a long diatribe on Shakespeare, occasionally quoting from Hamlet – in English – “The play’s the thing/Wherein I’ll catch the conscience of the King!” – and enlightening YT as to Shakespeare’s wordplay using the word ‘lie’.]
YT: M-hm.
LM: How many languages you speak?
YT: Three.
LM: Three! Which ones?
YT: [tells him.]
LM: Oh, German too! My high school German teacher told me always to speak to Germans, whenever I could, for practice. That’s why I always speak to German tourists in the hot pot. [Dips his head into the water] Ich versüche immer ein bißchen zu üben. Es tut gut.
YT: Eben.

[By now another man is sitting on the other side of YT. Out of the blue, the man on the left addresses the lounging man.]

MOL: I’m getting a bit worried about you. The last time I was here, you were speaking German when I left. And now that I’m back you come up out of the water and you’re still speaking German.

LM: [Triumphant, to YT] See! I always speak German, whenever I can.

MOL and LM now launch into a conversation about different nationalities and their characteristics.

LM: There are two nationalities that can make fun of themselves: the Brits, and the Finns. They’re not self-conscious about it at all. Not like us Icelanders – we get all offended if people make fun of us. But not the Brits or the Finns. I knew this Finn and you know what he asked me? He asked me: ‘Do you know why we Finns use two-ply toilet paper?’ – this was right near the end of the cold war, you know – and I said ‘No’. And he said, ‘Because in this country we have to make a copy of every paper we use, to send to Moscow’.

MOL: So now that the cold war’s over, do they use single-ply?

LM: Probably! – But those cold war jokes, they were good some of them. There’s this other one that an East German guy told me once: An American guy is in East Germany – this is before the wall came down – and he’s standing there looking at two cars parked side by side. One car is a Mercedes Benz, the other one’s a Trabant. So this East German guy walks by, and sees the American looking at the two cars, and the American decides to try a little experiment, and says, ‘Tell me – which one of these do you think is the better car?’ And the East German stands there for a minute and then says, ‘The Trabant’. And the American laughs, and says, ‘Well, you clearly don’t know very much about cars, my friend.’ And the East German replies, ‘Oh, I know a lot about cars. I just don’t know a lot about you.’

So I told him to go to the video store this evening and rent the film Das Leben der Anderen because he’d really enjoy it. Then I thanked him for the conversation and left.

IT WAS MILD TODAY, BUT THE WIND WHIPPED UP THIS AFTERNOON
We had a few showers this morning, it was calm at first but then the wind picked up and it was kind of cold and damp. I’m really getting tired of this wind, there’s been so much of it lately and honestly it is the worst part about living in this country. The weather here is always beautiful – except when there’s wind. Right now 3°C [39F] and the sun came up at 9.13 am, went down at 5.08.

A bunch of random, incoherent factoids about translations

I’m taking a short course these days on translating and interpreting and am finding it remarkably fascinating, more so than I expected. In fact my mind is virtually overflowing with chaotic factoids and random information on the topic, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to take this opportunity to empty it so I can get on with the urgent business of getting a good night’s sleep. My apologies if you came here for something more coherent; regular programming shall resume very soon.

1. Icelandic society is absolutely and completely inundated with translations. Just about everything all around us is translated. All the foreign news in all of the media, almost all films we see at the cinema, almost all the television programmes. About 80 percent of the plays put on in the theatres, almost all of the books published, instructions and manuals for almost everything, from washing machines to medication. Legislation and regulations. Documentation and certificates. Just about everything. And yet translators as a group are virtually invisible in this society. Why?

2. The cost of translations is much higher in Iceland than it is in most other countries. That’s why reps from all those foreign translation agencies [that for some reason are contacting Icelandic translators with increasing frequency] just about pass out when they hear our rates. [And generally beat a hasty retreat.] Q: Could it be that all those invisible translators are invisible because they’re too busy raking in the dough? A: Pfft! I wish.

3. Before Iceland had a national TV station [i.e. pre-mid-1960s] none of the movies that were shown here had subtitles. The cinema owners claimed it was too expensive to translate everything. Instead they printed programmes with a synopsis of the movie plot so people could at least have an idea of what they were watching.

4. Germany translates more books into the vernacular than any other country. There’s been a rich tradition for translations in Germany since the 18^th century [there was a really fascinating reason for it, too, and I wish I could remember it so I could tell you]. There is a huge market for translations in Germany, as opposed to in the English speaking world, where only 3 percent of all books sold are translations [in the UK at least, and therefore almost certainly in the US]. This is why Nicelandic authors scramble to get translated into German. Not only do the Germans love Niceland, they also buy translations.

5. Text that is not translated, dies. It cannot live for any length of time within its own geographical area, in its own language. That is why we translators are Very Important People.

6. If Iceland joins the European Union there will be an immediate and critical shortage of translators and interpreters. The situation is bad enough now but if we join the EU it will be catastrophic. Doomsday. The Apocolypse.

7. The Icelanders translate all new words that enter the language, meaning there’s a committee that reviews all new objects and concepts and finds new words for them. For example, when computers became ubiquitous, most countries just imported the English word ‘computer’, whereas the Icelandic word committee made up the word tölva, which is a hybrid of the words tala [number] and völva [prophetess]. However, some people now argue that Icelandic must start importing foreign words, because there are so many new concepts entering the language that Icelandic just doesn’t have enough stem words to cover them all.

8. The translations of all the EFTA legislation [European Free Trade Association, of which Iceland is a part] handled by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs apparently bears little resemblance to Icelandic, because it’s so standardized and bureaucratic. Many people feel that international cooperation is completely flattening out the Icelandic language.

9. Others argue that the best thing that could happen to the Icelandic language would be for Iceland to join the EU, because that way it would be guaranteed not to die out. If Iceland were part of the EU there would be people working full-time to develop the language so that people could carry out discourse on innumerable subjects in Icelandic. Whereas if this doesn’t happen, this language will slowly but slowly perish.

10. Almost all of the large companies in Iceland that have operations abroad have declared English as their official company language. Trouble is, hardly anybody has native speaker proficiency when writing text.

11. A brand new – and updated – translation of The Bible hit bookstores last week and it’s been nothing if not controversial. In fact, all hell has broken loose, with the Bible thumpers going at the liberals like rabid dogs. And now I’d better stop because I really Don’t Want To Go There.

IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT!
First snow of the season. We were at a dinner party and came out around midnight and there was ice all over the roads and people driving reeeeaaallllyyy sssllllloooowwwlllllyyy. [Thank goodness.] YT was pretty nervous, driving in icy conditions for the first time without tires that have nail studs in them, but we made it home in one piece. It’s been a frigid day but absolutely beautiful; right now temps are –2°C [28F] and the sun came up at 8.57 and set at 5.25 pm.

A big, warm, heaping plate of googlies

It’s been a busy week with a heavy workload that I still haven’t quite managed to unload, so in lieu of a post that will actually require brain exertion, here come a few tasty morsels from my current stash of googlies.

~ Apparently some people out there have odd ideas about water parks:

water parks get you naked (who knew? – USA)

pictures of naked people on water slides (sexy! – Canada)

~ Some people have odd ideas about YT:

alda kalda prison reykjavik (heheheh. Be afraid.– USA)

~ Some had the right idea about The Iceland Weather Report:

weather report monologue (you've come to the right place! – Australia)

a place to help people on poems about the weather (ehhm, ok, if you say so. – US)

days of sunshine in iceland sad (wery wery sad. We think so too. – Brentwood Bay, BC)

~ Some were quite exasperated:

recent weather reports that are serious (oh, as opposed to the inane drivel you find here? – New York, NY)

~ Some should have paid more attention in English class:

what are important of this place called iceland? (gee, we not know either important of this place – Virgin Islands)

unusual things that has before been in iceland (not before there has been unusual things there! – Hendersonville, North Carolina)

~ The pervs and weirdoes came knocking, as usual:

spanking the weather girl (ooh, matron! Addison, Illinois)

porno a dog to remember (! –Mussomelim, Sicily)

maturing penis pictures (in real time, or …? – US)

sex sex sex sex iceland (okay, we got it the first time – Libya, Africa)

photos of girl's bare asses (one girl, many asses. Life’s a bitch. – Williamsport, Ohio)

naked icelandic nudity photos (they have to be naked, though. The photos. – Brooklyn, NY)

~ Some people were doing their Nicelandic research:

blowjob in iceland (always good to have an idea of the services on offer. – Biggar, South Lanarkshire)

is it common in iceland to have sex (no – that’s why the population is only 300,000. – UK)

iceland frozen foods casting agency (in case you need frozen food in your next feature. –Farnham, UK)

how i read my iceland visa (useful to know before you travel. – Spain)

~ Some had some very genuine concerns:

how to make panties into thongs (cut in a semi-circle along the back, up towards the waist. –Boynton Beach, Florida)

how to have a good time in bed with your boyfriend (didn’t yours come with a manual? – Des Moines, Iowa)

plumber stole panties (sigh. it's so hard to get good help these days. – Mahopac, NY)

~ And the rest:

balcony puke (Sweden)

rational self cking (Budapest, Hungary)

OKAY THEN! THAT CONCLUDES THAT.
The sun has just appeared for the first time in days, so if you’ll excuse me I have to go stare out the window. After all, we have to grab all the daylight we can get right around now. Currently 7°C [41F] and the sun came up at 8:41 am, and is due to go down at 5.42 pm.

Just testing my new scanner ...

It works, whoo-hoo!